I’m on a roll these days! Finding myself. Getting back into the body I used to know. I lost her when I had my baby but I’m getting reacquainted with the new her – meanwhile shaping the new her- and I like it.
This evening I lit two candles, poured myself a glass of white wine, put on a honey, brown sugar and lemon mask, and got into a steamy herb bath!
I’ll tell you what I did and then I’ll tell you why it’s a big deal.
Today I meditated…for the first time since I gave birth.
Why is it a big deal?
It’s a huge step in reclaiming myself and my life. I’ve put the title “mother” before “self” in many instances and have been struggling to find the balance -among the other “hats” that I wear. It’s not surprising though, because another human life depends primarily on me for her survival.
I’ve been a card carrying member of the itty-bitty titty committee for most of my life. A proud member (after high school), but today is a new day.
I have these newfound boobs due to all the breastfeeding I’m doing and with that come all types of changes. My shirts fit differently, new bras have been acquired and a tad bit more hygiene is necessary, specifically in the summer months.
Tonight is the first night I will put my daughter to sleep in her crib, in her room. For three months now, she’s been in a bassinet right next to our bed, in our room. It makes late night feedings super seamless and lowers all anxiety about her sleeping conditions. But tonight, baby, I’m putting her in another room. Why? Because I want to luxury of having sex without trying to wake up our roommate (in the most literal sense). Yeah that “sleeping in the bassinet” thing is cool until you can’t moan the way you want to, or can’t make the bed shake of for fear of waking up your three month old.
I used to work at an investment bank and I noticed a catchy phrase people would say to each other: “living the dream.” For example, as two men pass each other in the hallway, one man would say “Hey Bob, how’s it going?” and Bob would reply “living the dream!” The exchange was over and the men parted their ways.
It was always a very strange exchange to me. I did not, for one second, believe that these men actually believed that they were living their dream. This, coming from a person who got that job via a temp agency. It was the furthest thing from my dream, so maybe I was projecting…just a tad. It came off as an ironic inside joke among the men in the office.
Today was the first day that I allowed my daughter (now three months and 1 day) to “cry herself to sleep.” WOOOOOOOOOOOOO that was tough.
After a semi-long day out and about. Truthfully it was probably 4 hours. I only planned to be out for two hours or so. I put her in a carrier and packed a fanny pack as our “diaper bag” for the day. It fit the essentials: 3 diapers, a pouch of wipes, a disposable changing pad, a pair of socks if she were to get cold.
