As a new mother, I’ve gone through ebbs and flows of “normalcy” (whatever that is). At some point, I melted away and became a mother only (not wife, not stepmom, not daughter, friend, nor Janine). And at other times, I’ve fought hard to be Just Janine. I wanted a glimpse of myself. I was fighting to find the pre-baby Janine that I had known for 31 years. I thought that if I found her and embodied her, I may feel this “normal” thing again.
But the real dirty-dirty is that, she is anew. There is no spoon. There is no pre-baby Janine that will reappear when the dust settles. That pre-baby Janine was the predecessor to Mother Janine. She was great, she lived a full life made amazing friends etc. Mother Janine is not so far off from her, actually. There’s just a learning curve happening- a shift.