As a new mother, I’ve gone through ebbs and flows of “normalcy” (whatever that is). At some point, I melted away and became a mother only (not wife, not stepmom, not daughter, friend, nor Janine). And at other times, I’ve fought hard to be Just Janine. I wanted a glimpse of myself. I was fighting to find the pre-baby Janine that I had known for 31 years. I thought that if I found her and embodied her, I may feel this “normal” thing again.
But the real dirty-dirty is that, she is anew. There is no spoon. There is no pre-baby Janine that will reappear when the dust settles. That pre-baby Janine was the predecessor to Mother Janine. She was great, she lived a full life made amazing friends etc. Mother Janine is not so far off from her, actually. There’s just a learning curve happening- a shift.
In this between phase, as I like to call it. I’ve discovered that I have a few requirements to feel like I’m standing on my own two and not melting away into the “only a mom” Janine, I was when I first gave birth. These are things that I do during the day that fulfil me. And when these things aren’t done, I feel I’ve done myself a disservice.
It’s the little things, you know…
- Brush my teeth, wash my face and shower before noon
- Wash the dishes and sweep the floor
- Go for a run – SUPER bonus points
- Make the bed
- Get out of the house for something other than the grocery store
Naps are always a bonus and meditation is just recently being re-integrated. But these are the fundamental things that I need to feel “normal” on a daily basis. Oh and writing as of late.
Now there are days I don’t get half or any of these things done. I don’t beat myself up because I probably did them the day before or I commit to getting them done the next day. Again, ebbs and flows- and never striving for the illusional fantasy called perfection.
I’m me. And at all times, I’m doing my absolute best. We all are. And when we pan out, that’s the beauty of it all.